Sunday, August 2, 2015

Hold on.

Yesterday I jumped head first out of my protective box of careful living and took our daughter to her first ever concert. She was beyond thrilled. But it meant standing in line and in the sun for hours upon hours. We slathered on the sunscreen and I brought a blanket to sit on whenever we needed to. We saw Rachel Platten, Colbie Caillat and Christina Perri. 

To be honest, I was psyched beyond words to see in life the girl who sings "fight song". To be there and yell out to the world  "this is my fight song, take back my life song!" gave me goosebumps and still does. 

But what I took away was actually from Christina Perri, the artist I knew the least about for some strange unexplainable reason. The moment she entered the stage the energy of the crowds changed and we were suddenly awakened with our feet being moved to dance. 

Then at one point she said, "I know there's people out there going through a really hard time and even though you are here today you probably couldn't leave all your troubles behind." And then she sang her song "I believe." It nearly brought me to tears as she sang the following: 

"I believe that tomorrow is stronger than yesterday,
And I believe that your head is the only thing in your way,
I wish that you could see your scars turnin to beauty,
I believe that today it's okay to be not okay;

Hold on, hold on

'Cause I have been where you are before
And I have felt the pain of losing who you are, And I have died so many times, but I am still alive."

Then, she had us, the audience sing this:
This is not the end of me, this is the beginning;
(Hold on)
This is not the end of me, this is the beginning
(Hold on (I am still alive)

*Insert shivers there.* 

The last year of my life this disease raging my body attacked my emotional heart like nothing ever had. I had given up so many times and lost myself along the way. But despite the fact that today I can't even breathe without pain, I am holding on. This isn't the end and yes it may just be the beginning but as each day passes -some worse then others, I can say I made it through, even if I was stumbling and hurting the whole way, I still made it. 

(Picture credit : me :) ) 

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