So here I sit, waiting for my first COVID-19 test. Less than a year ago I wouldn’t have even known what a COVID-19 test was.
I remember it was the middle of December, December 2019 like it was actually a month ago.
On Good Morning America, they were talking about some new virus in China that was going around.
It all seemed like a movie, or something that would blow over, or just stay over there.
But here we are January 2021 and the entire world was taken over by a sweeping virus that abruptly took over the lives of nearly every human on earth.
As a chronically ill individual, a global pandemic has so many repercussions.
It’s not JUST wear a mask, sanitize and wash your hands, keep your hands off your face, but it IS so much more.
It’s a sudden halt to necessary medical infusions at the hospital.
It’s postponing the MRI’S your doctors wanted but decided it wasn’t worth the current risk.
It’s learning how to self infuse yourself at home without the safety of trained medical professionals around.
It’s not being able to go into the grocery store to buy your own groceries.
It’s having pain and heaviness in your chest but trying to decide with hospitals at nearly full capacity with COVID-19 patients what the greater risk is, going to the hospital or staying home.
It is so much more than a virus that people are either asymptomatic with or dying from it.
It means that now I am waiting in line at a drive through test site to ensure I don’t have COVID-19 before I head into a cardiac stress test next week. But I’ve been isolating and my doctor has not, so this COVID-19 test seems so unfair.
I feel so exposed and helpless. My doctor has deemed this medical test necessary and I know it is.
But this time last year, I wouldn’t have been here. Come January 7th I would have just driven up to Syracuse, did my test and that would be that. But not now. Not in 2020, and not even in 2021. Life has changed. And when things settle down, or if they do, it will still be different. I won’t take for granted the ability to just drop into the doctor when I am feeling unwell, or have a necessary test completed and have the only issue be a scheduling conflict.
So I guess what I am saying is despite all the fear, the heaviness and the stress, 2020 taught me to be grateful.
Grateful for the quiet moments at home.
Grateful for the ability to feed my family even if I am not personally picking out my groceries.
Grateful for modern medicine, despite its failings.
Grateful for my husband who has been my rock through all this.
Grateful for modern technology and the capability to keep friends and family connected despite the physical distance between us all. Being chronically ill means there is often a lot of distance between me and friends or family, but the world turned upside down when the pandemic took over and now I miss out on less because of technology.
So despite having a stick shoved in my throat or nose today, I will be grateful for something, for anything, for everything; because a stick in my nose, or a test in 4 days, or surgery in 8 days means I am fighting for all I have and for all that I am.
